Last week, we looked at a questionable study on empathy, and many of us took the test the study is based upon. In the comments section, Lorelei shared her high empathy score (68 out of 70) and commented that “it can be a bit overwhelming” to feel so much for and from others. I empathize with that! Before I knew how to manage my extreme empathy, … Read More
Hello Again! I’m doing lots of interviews about The Language of Emotions, and people are consistently asking me what makes my work different. First, of course, is that I don’t see emotions as problems to be eradicated. Instead, I listen to the emotions to discover what they’re for, what they want, and what they do. And in the early days, I did that with what I … Read More
I just did a radio interview with Natasha Dern on a Canadian show called Buddha Lounge. We talked a bit about the practice of Conscious Complaining, which I created to help people access their emotions in a healthy and supportive way. Natasha has used something similar herself for many years, which is to write all of her complaints into a journal so they don’t fester inside … Read More
How many times have you heard people say something like, “We can’t talk if you’re going to be all emotional about it!” It’s funny that we give nonsense like that a pass, because if you aren’t emotional — if you don’t have access to your emotions — you’re not going to be able to communicate properly at all. I love pure rationality as much as the … Read More
Yesterday, the CBS Sunday Morning show ran a good story on how we make decisions” It May Not Sound Rational, But Experts Say Emotions and Gut Feelings Are More Important Than Intellect in Making Choices The old wives’ tale is that we make decisions by ignoring our emotions and using our rational faculties. Wrong! The truth is that our rational brains can’t hold enough conflicting information … Read More
Though you may have caught onto this already, the premise of The Language of Emotions is that all of your emotions exist for specific and protective reasons. All of your emotions carry messages for you, and if you learn what those messages are, you’ll be able to work directly with your emotions in excellent new ways. We’ve looked at the gifts of anger, sadness, shame, and … Read More
The main message in The Language of Emotions is that all emotions are necessary. And yet, we all know that emotions can be really troublesome. So how do you take an emotion that’s a total drag and turn it back into an asset? First, you learn what the emotion is supposed to do and what message it carries. I find that when people know what their … Read More
My friend Jane sent me a link to a Wall Street Journal article about Tiger Woods and his angry outbursts during golf games. Numerous research studies have shown that exploding with anger is not cathartic, as people once suggested. In fact, yelling, steaming, throwing things, lashing out physically, and pitching a fit are not good for you (unless you’re in physical danger, of course!). In The … Read More
It’s clear that many of us avoid the so-called “difficult” emotions, such as sadness or anger, and that in so doing, we also inadvertently avoid the gifts and strengths they bring. Though it is very unfortunate, it makes sense that we avoid these emotions, because they’ve gotten such terrible press. However, I’ve been interested to see that many of us also avoid the so-called “positive” emotions … Read More
Here’s a simple exercise to help relieve tension and stress. Breathe in deeply until you feel a bit of tension in your chest and ribcage, and hold your breath for a count of three. (Don’t create too much tension. If you’re uncomfortable, let some air out before you hold your breath.) As you breathe out, let your body go limp, relax your chest and shoulders, and … Read More